Put Yourself in Someone Else's Shoes (Question of the Week)

Dear Chuck,
I write this e-mail with a heavy heart, its hard for me to admit as a woman, but I am willing to change and do the right thing. I have been dating my boyfriend for over six years and for the first five everything was going great. We both had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company, understood each other needs or wants and it seem like we were soul-mates with a bright future ahead of us. But now on our sixth year, the romance and the passion seem to have left our relationship. I have tried everything I could to make the relationship work or turn it around for the better, but nothing I do or have tried turns out right. Over time I have become frustrated, yes I admit a little hot or horny then started dating and sleeping with someone else on the side. I know if you are reading this, you may say what I am doing is wrong or that I shouldn't be doing this and I agree. But the man that I am seeing is fun, he excites me, turns me on and I sometime feel as if I can't help myself. He gives me  love,we have lots of fun, the sex is very good, we communicate well and the attention that my man hasn't been giving me, my new boo does it without hesitation! Chuck, what is a girl  too do? I love my boyfriend and besides that I have six years invested in this relationship. I really don't want to hurt him, but a girl has to get hers and when I am with him I feel so alone! But I am scared that if I give up my relationship of six years and if this other relationship doesn't work, then I'll be all by myself. Please don't be so hard on me and tell me what I should do. Question; Is it really wrong to love one man for his heart and like another man because of his attention or his good loving? Give me your honest opinion, please help and tell me what's a girl to do?
Your friend and loyal reader,

Hello Kim,
How have you been doing? Its been a while since I have heard from you and it seems that you are doing well. But the question you asked me seem to be already answered by you. You already admitted what you were doing is wrong and you want to do the right thing. My only advice to you is to put yourself in your mans shoes and ask yourself these questions. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was cheating on you? Would you like it or would you think it was fair? Would you like him to continue seeing someone else, while he was continuing a relationship with you? You would think that he was trying to have his cake and eat it too right?

 Take some advice from someone who has cheated and who have been cheated on. Its not fun to cheat and it doesn't feel good to be cheated on. Why you may ask? When you cheat, you have to lie and then you will have to deceive. It takes a lot of hard work to carry on with two relationships. Even though it can be fun at times, but at other times it can be very stressful. Because while you are cheating you are always afraid that your spouse or mate may find out about your affair and you may be caught. You know what comes with that, once they find out then they are hurt or heart broken. Then you will have a life that's full of drama, stress and pain. Now you have hurt the one you cheated on and they are now heartbroken. They feel used, abused, lied too and betrayed. What a awful feeling, I know because I have experienced it and it doesn't feel good. Take my advice and Put Yourself Into Someone Else's Shoes, before you make a big mistake, that you may regret for the rest of your life.
May God bless you always,


prince griffin said…
Anonymous said…
I really enjoy reading the advice you gave to Kim. I would like to add something from a woman point of view. Kim, I went through the same thing, the only difference is I was a victim. I was a very support wife, always made sure the home-front was inviting, meals cooked every day, the whole nine yards. I did everything a woman supposes to do. Yes, my ex-husband committed adultery, my family witness his behavior, friends, even his family. I even caught him myself. Everything I went through in my marriage tore me apart, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Throughout my whole ordeal, God gave me comfort, counsel, peace, and a renewed mind. People would tell me how crazy and stupid I was to stay in the marriage, but I felt I was not what they said I was because God had the final word. When God finally released me from the relationship, he gave me a brand new heart, mindset, lifestyle, spiritual relationship with Him. I was made into a new Woman of God, just for being so faithful and trusting Him. I said that to say this: whatever goes on in the dark; comes to the light. Whatever you reap; you will sow. I’m not here to bash you, because you soul is more important than anything. If there are issues that you find in the relationship, communication is what the two of you suppose to have. What I gather from what you wrote, you’re more worried about your own needs beside the needs of the two of you. What about your significant other needs to know the truth about how you feel. Six years, and you ready to throw in the towel, because of something that is lacking instead of finding ways to fix it. Whatever ignited the relationship in the beginning, you have to find something that will rekindle the sparks. You never suppose to let someone else come in between your relationship. I don’t care how this other person make you feel, what he does, that should not even be a factor in your decision-making to do the right thing. I never once heard you mention you tried talking about the issues, do you really think, opening the door to have someone else on the outside is the answer. Let me ask you this question: How do you think this other man really sees you as a person? He already knows you have another man, and you’re cheating on your significant other to be with him. Do you really think this man would trust you, if your significant other was to find out and end the relationship? I just can’t see the two of you having a healthy relationship, speaking as a Woman of God, it’s not going to last. If you feel that strongly in your heart, that you have nothing left to give to rekindle this relationship, it’s time to be honest with yourself and your significant other. You really need to meditate on the advice or the questions that was given to you by Chuck. What if the shoe was on the other foot, would you appreciate the same treatment, would you be able to handle it? Kim, prayer is a very powerful tool, and sometimes people react on impulse, before they consult God. I just want to ask you one question than I want you to ponder on the advice and feedback that was given. Every morning when you wake up and look in the mirror, do you love the person you are becoming, you know what you are doing is wrong, this is a time for reflection, and ask God for forgiveness, then forgive yourself for reacting and carrying on in such manner. I may not know you, but as a Woman of God, you are still my sister in Christ and your soul is important. Be Blessed

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