Its Not My Fault

One of the things I have found out when it comes to dating, that the world has changed. It used to be that men and women respected each other, but now in today's world its all about how much money a man makes or how good he can make her feel in bed. Today's focus seems to be on the wallet or the bedroom. What most don't realize is that none of these things matter if you don't like or can't get alone with the person you are interested in. To me its really sad that a man has to validate himself, by buying or providing money in order to prove himself worthy as a man. A man shouldn't have to buy a woman things, wine or dine her in order to get to know her. At the same time a woman shouldn't have to sleep with a man or do anything in that nature to prove herself worthy as a woman. My late grandmother had a very famous saying that I'll never for get, "Its not what's between the legs or what's in a persons wallet that counts, its what's between the ears,  that a person should be concern with". She would say, Baby so what if they are good in bed or if someone happens to make good money. If they can't think for themselves or if they are not right mentally, who cares if they are doing well financially?

 What I was taught by both of my parents , that a man or a woman has to learn how to be a one, before they can be somebody else's man or woman. What did my parents mean by this statement? What they meant by this statement, is that a man or woman have to have the ability to take care of themselves and also have the mental capabilities to leave the past behind. My mom would make me laugh when she would say, Baby if you happen to meet a woman, who is still holding on to past hurts or pains, please tell her this for me, "Its not my fault that he hurt you". Which brings me to the topic of today, Its not my fault. Men, women, I have a question, that I am hoping each of you have an answer for. Aren't you tired of meeting someone for the very first time, but all they can do is complain or talk about what their ex spouses used to do them in their past? Aren't you tired of hearing that all men or women are the same or a like? My question to those or to you is you happen to feel that way, "Why are you trying to date or looking for love, in the first place? If all men or women happen to be bad in your eyes, then do what the people who have left their past where it belongs a favor ,stop dating! Why? Because you are not ready, you are not over your ex and its not their fault that someone cheated, hurt you, lied or treated you bad. Besides that its never wise to keep bringing up your past, while you are currently living in the present. So get over it and move on! Its Not My Fault! Write in, then express your thoughts or opinions on the subject.


Anonymous said…
Charles I agree with you 100%. I could easily say I don't want another man in my life after all I went through with my ex husband. I can't live my life expecting all men to treat me the way my ex did. It's stupid logic. In today's dating world, prostitution is the concept. Trading money for services. (I'll give you sex if you give me money for my bils, kids, etc.) Not too many want a true relationship. For me, I don't want a man buying me things or giving me money, it's not one of my expectations. I told one man to stop buying me things he told me I was strange. lol But that was the only way he knew how to relate to a woman. Respect and communication are number one on my list. I know a woman who is self conscious about her weight and age since she is living with a younger man (10 years)and she doesn't want to marry him because of what her ex husband did to her and she thinks he really doesn't want her due to her weight, and she's convicted about living in sin. I've talk to her many times about it, but to no avail. This man has showed her in so many ways that he wants to be with her and marry her (has given her 2 rings) , but it's not enough to convince her. I told her you will let one person out all the people in this world to have control over you and your happiness. She says she just can't let go. Life is too short to live in fear of something that may not happen. Just think of how many others are living in fear and trying to hurt someone before they hurt them. So sad
Charles Holmes said…
Thank you Lynette for being brave enough to write. Many men or women miss their blessings or chances because of fear or their ability to let go. Why? Because many of them are still living in the past. What I have learned that there is no way one can repair the past and the only true way of healing is moving on. You don't have to be a spiritual person to realize that once something has been done there is no way you can take it back or done over. After all life does move on and it will without you if you let it. My advice to anyone who reads this journal or comment is to live in the present, because yesterday is gone. Take advantage of every opportunity especially when it comes to love. Why? Because in today's time its very rare to find someone who may be your soul mate or spouse for life. In other words if you have a feeling that this man or woman could be the one for you, then by all means do what ever it takes to keep them in your life.
Deedy said…
Charles and Lynette, I agree with both your comments. Sometimes people miss the mark, but complain when much time has elasped after they finally realized what was right in front of them, then it's too late!!

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