Its Not Worth It

Those of you that have been reading my blogs or journals know that I am a very strong advocate for marriage. I always believed and still believe today that marriage is sacred, that should be honored always. But there are something's that happen in some marriages that I feel that is totally unacceptable. What I am about to talk about goes far beyond infidelity, even though I feel that is reason enough to get a divorce, I still feel with some counseling, a lot of forgiveness even that can be worked out to save a marriage. There are millions of proven cases that a marriage can be saved even after someone has been unfaithful. With a lot of hard work, plenty of forgiveness any marriage can be saved. I know if you happen to be reading this, you may ask, Well if its not infidelity you are talking about then what is it? Well its not drugs, its not even time in prison, its the lack of respect that some men or women express to each other daily out in public for the whole world to see. After witnessing this lack of respect first hand, I can now understand why there are so many divorces and why sometimes people snap, then take matters into their own hands. There are some men or women out there that are very disrespectful and have no problem embarrassing their spouse or mates in public. That's where I draw the line , then say enough is a enough and its not worth it to save a marriage. Which brings me to the topic of the weekend , Its Not Worth It. This letter comes from a reader of mine who happens to live in the New Orleans area. After you read this letter, then you will understand for yourself, the mistakes he has made and why after I read his words why his marriage isn't worth saving at all.

Hello Chuck,
How are you? I have been reading your blogs  for over 2 months and I am wondering could you help me with a problem I am having. I have been married now for over two years and I am thinking about getting a divorce. I met my wife at a local Waffle House and every since that moment I always wondered did I  really marry the right woman? The reason why I am saying this is because the way we met is not a good way of establishing a relationship. I am not blaming her, but blaming myself , because you would think me being an older man that I would have known better. Anyway, while I was eating at the counter of the restaurant, I noticed a beautiful woman staring at me. So naturally I said hello and then from there we began to talk. Later on that morning we went to my home and made love. About a month later we were married and since, then my marriage has been a living hell. She stays out all night and sometimes she doesn't come home at all. When I question her about her actions or motives she curses me out and even has the nerve to try to harm me. I am so stressed out because I don't know what to do. What makes this worse is that I happen to be a deacon at my church and I am afraid of my members finding out about my martial problems. But I am very unhappy not only because she doesn't seem to respect me or our marriage, but also because sometimes while we are in public, she often criticizes me in public. I am beginning to feel that even though I have a high position in my church, a great paying job and a very beautiful young wife that I love with all my heart, that this marriage is not worth it at all.
Please help,

Hello Brian,
I feel for you and I do feel your pain. I have experienced what you are now going through once in my past. I remember how helpless I felt, being disrespected by a woman that I  happen to be in love with. Even though I tried to talk to my ex and explain to her how I was feeling. She just looked at me, then said this is the way I am and if you don't like it leave. Then she said you are a grown man, so do what you have to. After a couple of more months of the same old thing, trying everything in my power to make things right. I woke up one morning, packed my things and then left. Every since then I vowed never to let any woman hurt or disrespect me again. There comes a time in every man or woman's life when we simply get tired of the drama, cheating, games or lies and especially the name calling. I also determined that in life, that something's are worth fighting for and then there are others that are not worth it at all.
Good luck too you,


Anonymous said…
I really feel sorry for Brian, he says he blames himself, but in life we reap the consequences of our actions. All I can suggest is counseling, if she agrees. From Brian's letter, his wife of 2 years is younger, a party girl and disrespectful, that's alot to overcome in any relationship, then he has to deal with what people will say in the church, if they find out. That's a hard place to be in. From experience, I know that having peace of mind is worth giving up anything, it may not seem like it at first but when you come to the reality of your self worth and you are actually happy, it's PRICELESS - Lynette
Deedy said…
Hello Brian,

After reading your response to Chuck's blog, I really am sorry you have to go through what you are going through, but there is a God that can handle any perdicament you had to face alone. As a Sunday School Teacher, and Evangelist, my word to you is to pray, be strong, and let God fight your battle. Sometime we when are faced with a situation, we turn back the hands of time, that lead us into situations that turn for the worst. Please don't beat up on yourself because of the behavior of your wife. I have to be striaght and honest with you, one thing I know for sure is that you fell short, and did not recover from stepping outside the will of God. We are human and make mistakes, but mistakes can be corrected, and God does forgive us when we react on situations without His approval. This is the time for you to re-examine yourself as a Man of God, pray, ask for forgiveness, and listen for God's instructions. Don't fret because in due season God will either remove that thorn, and correct the situation. Please don't make a turn for the worse and sell yourself short, or even let someone try and destroy who you truly are. Brian, I want you to think about these words and meditate in thought: The sex relationship offers no more cherished pleasure than this knowing of theone you love. With the understanding that our marriage relationship portrays the truths of our relationship with God, we can become free as never before to express our love for our husband or wife fully through the dynamic opportunity of the sex act. To keep a vow, therefore, means not to keep from breaking it, but rather to devote the rest of one's life discovering what the vow means, and to be willing to change and to grow accordingly. Just remember what begins as a series of seemingly small indiscretions can add up to major traps. Maybe at first it seems innocent and safe, but then you say or do something you never thought you'd say or do. This is why we all need hedges, precautions that we have planned out ahead of time and we adhere to in order to protect our marriage.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. Psalm 55:22

Be Blessed

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