Out Of Love?

Affairs when I think about this subject, I know how destructive they can be. They are harmful, they have been known to destroy lives and some affairs,as sad as this may sound, have lead to death. If you read your local newspaper or watched the news then you would know that more and more people are using violence as way of getting back at their spouses. What's sad about this issue is that children are involved and many of them are being killed innocently because of an adult mistake. Being that I have been on both sides of the fence on this issue, I have a good understanding on how it feels to cheat and I know how it feel to be cheated on. Believe me its not easy concealing an affair and its very heartbreaking, also very humiliating, knowing that someone you love has had an affair. The question is what can be done about it and when will people learn not to drag their children into their affairs? Which brings me to the question of the week, Out of love? This letter comes from a friend of mine who happen to have read by blog from, God Verses Man, called Your King Or Queen. She has now been divorced for over five years and after reading my blog it brought up some of her painful memories of a past affair. The funny part about the letter you are about to read is that she was the one cheating and after she read my blog she shared her thoughts with me.

Dear Chuck,
How are you doing? I have been reading your writings for over a month and I must admit some of them are very touching. But there is one in particular that really touched my heart.(Your King or Queen) So much so that it left me crying. I feel so guilty and ashamed, because when I was married I had an affair. What led me to cheating on my husband was his lack of attention that he gave me. I am the type of woman that loves and craves affection. When we first got married my husband was very attentive. He was romantic, loving and would always call me just to say that he loved me. We were so much in love, that I thought that we would be married forever. But one day after I went shopping my husband and I had a serious argument. This argument wasn't about an affair, but was about money. You see I have a serious problem, I love to spend money and shop. I kind of went over board with my shopping, so much  that when my husband went to pay a couple of bills that the checks started to bounce. Every since that happen my husband and I love for each other started to fade. It was so bad that we didn't speak to each other for months and after sometime went by we stopped having sex.
One day after work, the girls and I went out on the town then went clubbing. There I met a man who was in the same position as I was. He was married, his marriage was in trouble and our situations were very similar. I was so drawn to him because cute, we also had so much in common and besides that I was horny as hell! Shortly after seeing him that day, we had an affair and I thought to myself that I could love this man. But who was I fooling? This man wasn't going to leave his wife for me and I myself was also married, I sure in hell wasn't going to leave my husband. Anyway, some how unknown to me, my husband found out that I was cheating.(That's because he followed me, that dirty dog!) One day after work, I said to myself that I am going to do what ever it takes to save my marriage. I ended it with my friend and then went home told my husband that I wanted to talk about saving our marriage. But before I could start talking, he said that he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce! I was so hurt because, I know what I did was wrong. He was a good man Chuck and I know in my heart God sent him to me. I know I messed up really bad, I know you may not believe, but I am really sorry. The question I have for you, is what does a girl do, when her man falls out of love? How do I get him back or make him understand, that if he gives me another chance that I won't ever cheat or hurt him again? Please help!

Wow Karen,
What a touchy subject! I must say when it comes to your particular affair, I don't have many answers. I have been in your husbands position, more times than I care to remember. The only thing I can offer you is, how a man feels when he knows that is woman or wife is cheating. For us it feels different from you ladies, because in a way we feel like our space has been violated. What I mean by this and it may be a little graphic but I know most of the women that read this can handle it. When we men make love to our woman ,we are used to the way she feels and when she feels differently, our feelings for her are never the same. Why? Because in the back of our minds we will always wonder do we match up with the man that she had an affair. Then these natural thoughts creep into our hearts and minds, is he better than me or what does he have that I don't? The only thing I can say to you Karen is try to reassure your man that even though you had a affair that no other man but him has claims to your heart. Out of love? You tell me! Until then write in, the express your thoughts or views on the subject.


Anonymous said…
To be chearted on is a very emotional situation to deal with. I also have been cheated on and at that time I felt that I wasn't good enough for my husband, something I wasn't doing right in the bedroom (he thought), etc., but I have come to realize over the years after being divorced that there are always underlying issues that people are dealing with and their selfishness that cause them to cheat. People need to realized that marriage is work and everyday will not be the same. Your reader mentioned that her husband wasn't giving her the attention she was used to,but people must keep in mind that life's stresses and respomsible can interfere with intimacy (not just sex) in a marriage. We need to be realisitic and know that issues will change things but if we but God first in our marriages we can overcome anything. Also you mentioned that a man feels that their "space" has been violated. Personally for me, that's the way I felt when my ex cheated on me. He didn't just violate my body but also our bed and my trust. I've heard so many times the difference between men and women, but I don't see it, people just handle things differently in individual ways. Men are visual and women are emotional, the old cliche, but I can't find anything biblical to support it, (please share with me if you do) because I know some men who are emotional and some women are visual (which is just lust) To me when a person says they are out of love means their selfish desires are not being met and usually they ar unreaslistic. That's why every person should be real when they are pursuing someone because the things you do to impress someone is only a temporary thing while the other person on the receiving end thinks it's the person's true personality and when they get married that person's true self evolves, then the problems starts. My ex husbad has shared with me that he messed up, drugs had him and it was nothing to do with me. I appreciated him sharing that with me but I do know that we could never get back together. I have learned so much since being divorced by just watching and listening to other people's marital problems. Thank Charles your blogs are very enlightening.

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