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Out Of Love?

Affairs when I think about this subject, I know how destructive they can be. They are harmful, they have been known to destroy lives and some affairs,as sad as this may sound, have lead to death. If you read your local newspaper or watched the news then you would know that more and more people are using violence as way of getting back at their spouses. What's sad about this issue is that children are involved and many of them are being killed innocently because of an adult mistake. Being that I have been on both sides of the fence on this issue, I have a good understanding on how it feels to cheat and I know how it feel to be cheated on. Believe me its not easy concealing an affair and its very heartbreaking, also very humiliating, knowing that someone you love has had an affair. The question is what can be done about it and when will people learn not to drag their children into their affairs? Which brings me to the question of the week, Out of love? This letter comes from a friend of mine who happen to have read by blog from, God Verses Man, called Your King Or Queen. She has now been divorced for over five years and after reading my blog it brought up some of her painful memories of a past affair. The funny part about the letter you are about to read is that she was the one cheating and after she read my blog she shared her thoughts with me.

Dear Chuck,
How are you doing? I have been reading your writings for over a month and I must admit some of them are very touching. But there is one in particular that really touched my heart.(Your King or Queen) So much so that it left me crying. I feel so guilty and ashamed, because when I was married I had an affair. What led me to cheating on my husband was his lack of attention that he gave me. I am the type of woman that loves and craves affection. When we first got married my husband was very attentive. He was romantic, loving and would always call me just to say that he loved me. We were so much in love, that I thought that we would be married forever. But one day after I went shopping my husband and I had a serious argument. This argument wasn't about an affair, but was about money. You see I have a serious problem, I love to spend money and shop. I kind of went over board with my shopping, so much  that when my husband went to pay a couple of bills that the checks started to bounce. Every since that happen my husband and I love for each other started to fade. It was so bad that we didn't speak to each other for months and after sometime went by we stopped having sex.
One day after work, the girls and I went out on the town then went clubbing. There I met a man who was in the same position as I was. He was married, his marriage was in trouble and our situations were very similar. I was so drawn to him because cute, we also had so much in common and besides that I was horny as hell! Shortly after seeing him that day, we had an affair and I thought to myself that I could love this man. But who was I fooling? This man wasn't going to leave his wife for me and I myself was also married, I sure in hell wasn't going to leave my husband. Anyway, some how unknown to me, my husband found out that I was cheating.(That's because he followed me, that dirty dog!) One day after work, I said to myself that I am going to do what ever it takes to save my marriage. I ended it with my friend and then went home told my husband that I wanted to talk about saving our marriage. But before I could start talking, he said that he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce! I was so hurt because, I know what I did was wrong. He was a good man Chuck and I know in my heart God sent him to me. I know I messed up really bad, I know you may not believe, but I am really sorry. The question I have for you, is what does a girl do, when her man falls out of love? How do I get him back or make him understand, that if he gives me another chance that I won't ever cheat or hurt him again? Please help!
Karen

Wow Karen,
What a touchy subject! I must say when it comes to your particular affair, I don't have many answers. I have been in your husbands position, more times than I care to remember. The only thing I can offer you is, how a man feels when he knows that is woman or wife is cheating. For us it feels different from you ladies, because in a way we feel like our space has been violated. What I mean by this and it may be a little graphic but I know most of the women that read this can handle it. When we men make love to our woman ,we are used to the way she feels and when she feels differently, our feelings for her are never the same. Why? Because in the back of our minds we will always wonder do we match up with the man that she had an affair. Then these natural thoughts creep into our hearts and minds, is he better than me or what does he have that I don't? The only thing I can say to you Karen is try to reassure your man that even though you had a affair that no other man but him has claims to your heart. Out of love? You tell me! Until then write in, the express your thoughts or views on the subject.
Chuck



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