Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

One of the most important, but stressful decision I every made in my life, was the thought of getting a divorce. Never in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would divorce the woman that I thought was my soul mate or girl of my dreams. Out of all the women that I ever been involved with, at that time she was the only one I ever considered, then went through with it all to become man and wife. When most of us get married we have intentions on staying married until death due us part. I was one of those type of men that really took that seriously. But I also didn't fool myself and think that after I got married that it would be a piece of cake. I knew once I got married that it wouldn't be easy and that I would have to work hard to have a lasting marriage. So I prepared myself , gave up everything including my bachelor ways and worked hard to have a successful marriage. Which reminds me of something my father used to say , but I didn't get what he meant until now, marriage he would say, is only for married people. For those who may be confused by this statement let me explain, two minds, two hearts, have to agree to be one. Which means, if your spouse needs, you provide them with whatever they may want or need. If your spouse is sad, the you find out why ,then do whatever possible to make them happy. And if your spouse has dreams, desires, goals or aspirations, then they should also become yours and you should do everything in your power to make sure that it happens. All of this sounds good on paper or in theory, but just like my father expressed," Marriage is only for married people".(smile) If your spouse doesn't feel the same way as yourself, its a very strong possibility that your marriage is already over or will fail. Which bring me to the topic of the week, Thinking About Getting A Divorce? This letter comes from a friend of mine who has been married for over 20 years. She has four children, three girls and her husband has one young man from a previous marriage. But after 20 years of marriage she is now thinking about doing what millions of Americans are doing or have done in this century and that is getting a divorce. Its now a known fact that over 65% of the worlds population is either divorce or single.

Hi Chuck,
How are you and your son doing? Its been a while since I spoke to you, I pray that you and your son are doing well. The reason I am writing you because I have notice, from reading some of your blogs that most of your topics are about, love, relationships or marriage and I need some advice! Because I am thinking about getting a divorce! As you know I have been married for over 20 years, have 3 children with the man that I am married to. The first 10 years of our marriage was beautiful, but the last 5 years have been a living hell. My husband is now an alcoholic, has high blood pressure and we are in debt up to our eye balls. Also my husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, that he always seems to cater too. Which I don't have a problem with, but he has started neglecting the girls in our house. I am so unhappy Chuck, because my husband has changed and I don't know what to do. I have tried counseling, asked him to come to church,( which he won't) and even though the doctor told him to stop drinking because of his high blood pressure, he won't quit. On top of his drinking and medical problems he also has an erectile problem. I still love my husband, but my marriage is now a living hell. My girls are unhappy because they feel neglected and I am unhappy because I don't feel loved! I am seriously thinking about getting a divorce, I am tired, fed up and had enough! Chuck, am I wrong to feel this way?

Wow Charlene,
I really feel and understand what you are going through. Even though I never been involved with someone on drugs or alcohol, I know how it feel to be involved with someone who has a very serious problem. Try living with someone who is verbally or physically abusive, has an gambling habit, loves to steal or one that enjoys having sex, but just not with me. I personally had to deal with these type of women in my lifetime. It wasn't easy, but as my late grandmother would always say, the person in your life is either a blessing or a lesson. Either one of them she would say, is bound to teach you something. Just hope you are around long enough to survive whatever happens.

What the readers don't know, I am actually friends with your husband and I know very him well. We went to the same school, attend the same church and both of us are preparing to go to our 30 year high school reunion. Also the readers don't know that your husband lost a good paying job and had to start over. Being that I understand how he feels, its not hard to understand why he turned to drinking. Raising then providing for a family is hard and its especially hard for a man as prideful as your husband. No I am not making excuses for his behavior, but I do understand what he is going through. I could easily say go ahead and get a divorce like the rest of the world. If I did I would be like everyone else and I don't think that's what you are looking for. I unlike most look at both sides of the story before I  say a word or give any advice. Besides that I know from experience that divorce is a very ugly word,  also because in millions of cases around the world, it has caused so much pain and has torn up so many families.

 Charlene my advice to you is really simple, first pray and then ask God for direction. Think about the past 15 years, that you guys have spent together. I know that most of them have been good and now things are not going well. But as you know life is never easy or simple as it seems and as always life does have its ups or downs. Remember this while the rest of the world is plotting ways to separate you two or encouraging each of you to get a divorce, one should always fight a little harder and then try to save their marriage. After all you two did get married, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, until death due you part. My question to anyone who may read this is, does anyone really believe in that these days? Divorce, Charlene should always be the last resort, when there is no hope, no love, nothing left to fight for and nothing that will keep you two together, but apart. Good luck to you, Charlene, I will be praying for you and your husband.


Anonymous said…
Wow, I really feel for her, but it's the typical character of a prideful man who had and now has not, especially if material possessions were personal goals. They turn to any sunstance that will numb the pain. Things that use to bemeaningul means nothing anymore. Pride is one thing that will make me run from a man. Proverbs 16:18 says Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. The only thing I can share with your friend is to hang in there and pray fervently that her husband be delivered from the desire of alcohol and then he can start facing his problems. I have a personal issue with people who destroy themselves with things that will affect there life expectancy. If they are on the verge of "killing" themselves, family should live as if they are. Tell them you have to prepare yourself on living life without them, maybe that will trigger something in them to change. Your friend says she loves her husband, so obviously he is worth fighting for instead of fighting against in a divorce. May God strenghten her through this trial, comfort her through the pain and prepare her for the healing process. - Lynette
Charles Holmes said…
Thank you Lynette for your comment, but I would like to tell you that people can't be helped, if we have an issue with them or a problem with their actions. The Bible says, judge not and be not judged. Which means even though we may not like or agree with someone's actions or sins we have no power or authority to judge them. I instead want to help those who turn to drugs or alcohol. I want to offer them hope and also to let them know that many people have been down. But with a little faith and patience all their problems will be a thing of the past.

Anonymous said…
I'm judging? hmmmm

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