What Do I Do Now?



If you haven't noticed, love or finding love has become big business. Every where you look there are dating sites advertising not only on the internet , but also on television. The big reason for that is because finding someone to love is not easy to find and finding someone that matches your lifestyle or your beliefs has become increasingly difficult. When searching for a mate, one has to be very careful, because its impossible to know the persons motives behind them wanting to get to know you. That's why I am advising everyone who is blessed enough to read this blog to pay attention to every word. Because these words will surely shock a lot of men and may make some women mad. This message is not only for those who are single and dating, but for those who happen to be married. Yes there are some greedy married people out there still searching for someone extra besides their husbands or wives to love. My message is simple, finish what you started, before you date or get involved with someone, then make sure that you are ready to date. The reason why I wrote this last sentence is because a lot of us are still in relationships or marriages but still searching for someone else to love. This is wrong and very dangerous! Why? Because if the person you happen to be married to or in a relationship finds out that you have been cheating, there is no telling what they might do. Also how can you expect the person that you are having affair with to respect or trust you? Don't you know it will always be in the back of their minds that you might cheat on them, just like you did your spouse or mate? That's why I am advising all men or women, not to give up anything when they first start dating. No money, no sex or any other material possession. There is nothing wrong with taking someone out to eat, movies, sending flowers, cards or other items. But when it comes to paying someone else's bills, giving them money or giving up your body for sex or pleasure, please take my advice and don't do it! Which brings me to this months topic, What do I do now? This letter comes from a friend of mine that happens to be in her fifties. She met a man that at first she thought she would have a future with. But as what fate would put it, its better for one to take their time, show a little patience before they jump to any conclusions.

Dear Chuck,
How have you been? I have been reading your blogs and from what I can tell you are just as crazy, outspoken on paper as you are in person.(smile) Anyway the reason for this letter, is because I need some advice. I have been dating my new friend for over 4 months. He is a very nice guy, he gives me money, helps pay some of my bills, but even for me he is kind of old fashion. All he wants to do is drink beer on the porch, watch westerns' and always wants to be up under me, which I can't stand. The reason I am writing you is because I am thinking about breaking up with him because he is just not my type, but I am afraid of hurting his feelings. I made a mistake , then gave him some and I think that he is in love. He has been telling his family and friends that I am the one. He has even filed for divorce, gave me keys to his house and his credit cards. But I don't love him and don't feel him like that, please Chuck tell me what do I do now?
Rose
Well Rose,
All I can say to that is its better to tell him the truth now, before the relationship and commitment from him get stronger. Because the longer you wait the deeper hole you will be in and the harder it will be to get out of it. He may be hurt by you telling him the truth, but in the end he will respect you more as a person for being honest. My advice to you and others is the next time you meet someone you happen to be interested in, take things slow. Don't accept gifts such as money, sex or any other thing , unless you know for a fact that you both are compatible and have a real future together. Its better to tell the truth than to play games with a persons heart or emotions.
Good luck too you,
Chuck

Comments

Deedy said…
Hello Rose,

I pray you take Chuck advice and let this man know. As a Woman of God, I'm going to be honest with you, the very first mistake you made was becoming friends and accepting gifts with a married man. It really does not matter whether him and his wife were seperated they were still legally married. I just had to put that out there. We as women and men have to be very careful about the things we do. There is nothing greater then God's love and letting Him supply all your needs. Rosa, let me ask you this question everything was alright, while he was supplying you monetary gifts, and paying your bills. You even mentioned that you slept with him, he gave you keys to his home, and even his credit cards. If you feel the way that you feel, why did you keep on accepting these gifts, why would you do that with someone you don't love? What it seems like to me is that, he was a convience for your purposes. Now that his interest is growing more stronger,and he shared with family and friend, you are the one. You say you don't feel the same as he does, why are you prolonging to tell him the truth, stop taking his money, pay your own bills, give him the key back to his home, and go on with your life. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to treat him as a victim of circumstance. Be Bless
Anonymous said…
Deedy, I agree with you 100%. Personally, in the beginning of a relationship, I go as far as not accepting any gifts from a man because if there's a motive behind giving me something, it's no value to me, it will be returned or given away. One man even told me I was strange, that was the only way he knew how to relate to a woman, I needed to know was there any substance to his character and there wasn't. There are many women like Rose who have this kind of relationship with men, they don't feel their doing anything wrong, just enjoying the ride until things become too serious, then they don't know how to handle it. There are men who are willing to put out the money and don't expect anything out the relationshio but a good time, but then there are the men who get caught in that trap and had no idea that it was coming. -Lynette
Deedy said…
Hello Lynette,

Thanks for sharing your input. I definitely agree with your statement 100%. The problem I find is acting dishonestly with a close heart makes it difficult for real women who know what they want, and have it all together, to find a good honest, and loving man. Why is that? We as a people have to stop living our lives with a closed mind,and enjoy the good things in life. Enjoying the good things in life is defintely not take someone for granted, using a person for your own personal gain, having a heart of deceit, and not knowing the true characteristics of oneself. Enjoying life is thanking God for each day that you live, thanking him for the provisions He continues to give us because of our faithful hearts and living righteously. Women and Men have to build their lives on their own capabilities not someone else dependability. Lynette, I pray daily for God's guidance, grace and mercy, and continuously ask Him to give me a clean heart, to be an example to those who are out-of-focus. One thing for sure when we live of life of indicesiveness it causes us to have an apathy characteristic. How can we be honest with others, when we cannot learn to be honest with ourselves. "Just Saying
Deedy said…
Lynette,

As a Women of God, it is my desire to always want to do the right thing. I desire to be married and live a life of happiness for eternity. When God does bless me with my Boaz, its for the long-haul. Whatever problem may arise we will face it together, no seperation, no sleeping in different room, it will not be anyting of the sort. Communication between ourselves and God, because god will forever dwell in a relationship that is fighting to win. If I can't have the real deal, I don't want to play with a dock of cards that is filled with jokers. My motto is come real or don't come at all, because I don't tolerate foolishness, and I'm not going to display foolishness with someone. If I don't want you and find that your not the man for me, I will not waste my time or his. Ladies its time for us to step up to the plate and be the Virtuous Woman that is explained in Proverbs 34, and let go of that jezebel spirit. "The word of God says to much is given much is required." So my question to you is what do you require the Lord to do for you, not a man or someone else man, but the Man that can supply all your needs. Awaiting your response!!

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