Lets Stay Together

With so many break ups, divorces and separations going on , it easy to tell that people these days don't take marriage or relationships very serious. In my day it used to be that men were the ones who couldn't commit to a marriage or relationship, but now these days that have changed. Now more and more everyday women are taking the roles of the men who even today enjoy being a playgirl or the player. If you look around at television shows, listen to today's music and look around on the Internet you will find that many of these venues now encourage cheating. Today cheating seems to be in and being committed to a marriage or a relationship seems to be a thing of the past. These day it hard to find a man or woman who hasn't been in multiple marriages or relationships. Its also hard to find a man or a woman that doesn't have many baby daddies or baby mamma's. Knowing these facts to be true one must ask themselves this question, Why? The easy answer to this question is because no one seems to want to be  truly committed to each other and no one wants to stay together. The first sign of trouble most people run out of the relationship or marriage into the arms of another man or woman. It makes me want to ask this question, What happen to commitment, staying  together, through the good or the bad, for better or worse? Which brings me to the topic of the week, Lets stay together. This is a letter for a young lady who happens to be married for 18 years and wants to stay in her marriage. (Go figure smile) When you read her letter you will find that she is very open and honest about her relationship. She admits that she has committed adultery and has cheated on her husband several times, also her husband has done the same thing. They were filling for divorce, the papers were drawn, but at the last minute her husband had a change of heart. She wants her marriage to work despite her husband and her own sins. Now this young lady wants my advice! Should she stay together with her husband or should she do like the rest of the world, separate, then later get a divorce? You be the judge after reading this very powerful letter.

Hello Chuck,
How have you been doing? Before I get to the subject or the reason why I am writing you. I would like to wish you a very Happy Birthday! May God  continue to bless you with many more! Anyway, I have been married now for 18 years, have 6 children and five grand babies. My husband and I bought a nice home together that we have had now for over 15 years. We raised our children in this home and had it custom built to fit our family. Over the 18 years of our marriage, we both have been very unfaithful . I was the first to start an affair and very soon after he found out about it,  he started cheating too. Our finances, then our marriage very soon after went down hill. We began to get behind on our mortgages and even reposed all of our vehicles. Our marriage was a living hell! I was cheating on him so much that I even slept with this man in our home and I gave birth to his child. After that  happened , my husband and I came to a mutual agreement, to file for a divorce. In my heart I knew our marriage was over, not because I cheated , but because I  had a child with an outside man. I thought to myself that even I couldn't forgive my husband , if he had done such a thing.So we both filed for a divorce, met with our lawyers, separated all the property, settled the custody issues and were ready for the judge to rule. Then I got an unexpected phone call from my husband asking me to reconsider our divorce and to give our marriage another try. My  girlfriends, mother and some of my children are telling me to move on and keep the process moving. But I must admit that I still love my husband. I know what we both had done was very wrong , I have forgiven him and in my hearts of hearts I don't want my marriage to end. Please Chuck I need you advice and please don't judge me! Should I finalize my divorce or should I stay together with my husband and give our marriage another try?
Helen


Second Time Around


After reading my friends letter (Helen's) I must admit that it took me a while to come up with an answer. I read hers words very carefully. She was seeking advice and didn't want to be judged. I respect that because we all make mistakes and I have made my share of them too. But I must admit I am a little jealous. Why? Well because who wouldn't want a second chance at love or life? Who wouldn't want to correct their sins from their past? I have said this and I know many people have said this very same statement," Only if I knew what I know now things would be better". What would I give to go back in my own past and correct my failures? The thought of it is absolutely amazing, that someone can really correct their past. God has given them both a change of heart and that to me is a blessing. Now instead of giving up and following the world these two actually want to stay together, for a second time. My advice Helen is this follow your heart, now that you know better, of course you can do better. I have a good feeling about you and your husband. This time you guys are going to be better than ever and in love until death do you part.
Good luck too you,
Chuck



Comments

Deedy said…
Chuck, that was the best advice you could have given Helen, and the right advice. One thing Helen must do is not worry about what family are friends my say about the decision she make, whatever she fill in her heart to do, and if she fills that she can commit to her decision may the Lord bless this union. They both must leave the past in the past and look forward to a greater future together as one. Helen and her husband can rekindle their marriage, and it will be better the second time around, but it requires work from both of them. I personally believe if God did not want this union to happen, He would have never placed it on Helen's husband heart to speak what he truly felt. I commend your husband for his genuine love for you, and the commitment to the vows he have taken as your husband. Helen sometimes it takes seperation to bring appreciation. Just like that old saying goes, you never miss a good thing until its gone, well your marriage was a good thing, that's why God wanted to bring complete unconditional love back into you guys lives as one. Helen all is well because God forgives us all, now you have to forgive yourself, forget about the past, trust and thank God for a new beginning in your marriage. Your forever in my prayers, and Stay prayerful and continue to ask God to guide your steps daily. May God continue to bless this union forever more. Be Blessed!!

Anonymous said…
Thank You! Chuck & Deedy,
One of the most hardest things I every had to do was to admit as a woman, that it was my fault for what happen in our marriage. Many times I had made excuses or tried to justify my behavior. When I cheated I would always blame him or when I did something wrong. I would always say it was his fault, I never wanted to look into the mirror and admit that I was the one with the problem. But after my husband called me, I woke up, then realized that if I didn't stop my destructive behavior that I would never be happy. Also that I would loose the man that I fell in love with. When we filled our divorce papers I cried and hide my feelings from my children, family and friends. Only God knew how I really felt or how torn up I was inside. But thanks to him, my husband I have a new lease on life and I promise to be a better woman and wife until death due us part.
Thanks Chuck,
Helen

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