The Closer I Get

If you tried dating or finding someone new, then you should have notice that its harder finding someone good or someone that meets your standards. Even though they now have this thing called the internet, dating in today's time has become more difficult. Even though technology was suppose to make things easier it has in fact made people less social in person. For those who might question my last sentence I offer this as proof. When you look at the world today, while shopping, dining out, at night clubs or even at the movies, most people eyes are  glued to their cell phones or I-pads. Even at some dinner tables, most of the family members eyes or their attention is on their cell phones. Question is, How does one meet someone special or have any type of social interaction if their main focus is directed, toward their smart devices? Which brings me to the topic of the week, The Closer I Get. This letter comes from a reader of mine who happens to live in the great state of Michigan. This young lady has had trouble finding a man that meets her standards. Why? Well because in her own words most of the men in her State are after just one thing sex or in her own words gay. As she would put it, they are uneducated, criminals or mommas boys. But that's not her problem. Her problem is that she happens to know a guy that she is interested in, that happens to be her friend of 10 years. They grew up together, attended the same college and are best friends. So much so that he tries to hook her up with some of his friends and even gives her advice when she is in a relationship. What's the problem you may ask? Well he is her friend and she doesn't want to ruin their friendship.Read her letter just as I have and you be the judge.

Hi Chuck,
How are you? I really missed your writings, so what's up and what happen? Anyway, the reason I am writing is because I happen to have a problem and maybe you can help. I am having a hard time finding a man and the ones I see on a regular basis are just not my type. Most of them are uneducated or they have this thug mentality that I hate. I been so depressed lately because I can't imagine living my life alone or without someone to call my own. I tried the dating sites (Not working) and I have also tried to find a man of my own, with little success. I been praying hoping that God would one day send me the man of my dreams. I think I am a great catch, college educated, good looking,in great shape and own my own home, with a great paying job. All the men I bump into are after sex and some even have the nerve to want me to take care of them. That I won't do and I refuse to settle! I want a good man or one that was made for me. Now I know you can't help me find a man Chuck, but I would love it if you can help me with my problem.

I have a good friend, let me stop lying my best friend that I happen to be attracted to. We went to school together at Michigan States and been friends almost since childhood. I really didn't start noticing him in a romantic way until recently. One day he was at my apartment helping me paint my walls and he slipped off the ladder, then fell on top of me. At first it was kind of awkward, because he was embarrassed by the way he fell on me. He looked into my eyes and I did the same, then we almost kissed. After that I started to notice that he was everything I am looking for, great guy, college educated, good looking, smart, a very big lump in his pants, fine ass hell and has a great sense of humor. I am afraid to tell him how I feel, because I don't want to ruin our friendship, but at the same time I want him. Weird I know, but its getting increasingly harder to contain myself , because the closer I get or the more I see him, the more I want to feel him next to me. Whew! Inside me! Hell the man is now in my thoughts or dreams and I get wet every-time he is around! What's a girl to do? Get involved and ruin a great ten year friendship or go after what could be the man of my dreams? I know I sound like a crazy woman Chuck, but please help me! I am going nuts over here!!!
Your loyal reader,

Hello Mary,
How are you? After reading your letter, I can understand your dilemma. You have a great relationship with your friend, but also have secret feelings for someone who happens to be your best friend. That to me is very easy to answer and when I do provide my answer I know that most of my female readers won't agree with me. My answer is simple, don't ruin a friendship that may last a lifetime , for something that may last for mere moments. Real friendships last forever, but lust, a little desire or infatuations may only last for few days, maybe a couple of weeks and wasted moments that can ruin that friendship you both built that may last a lifetime.
Good luck too you,


Anonymous said…
Well Chuck I believe in telling the truth which will free yourself. In your reader's siutation, the friendship will never be the same anyway. ?How can she go on with the friendship with the feelings she's having. She wil be living a daily lie and eventually she will not be able to contain herself. On the other hand, every time I have heard about a situation like this, one of the individuals doesn't have the same feelings for the other. My friend had the same exact situation in college. She was feiends with this guy during college, best friends spent alot of time together, but on the last day of college before graduation, she spilled his heart out to her and she was like, "ugh", she didn't see him like that and he was so hurt, they never tallked again. Your reader did mentioned they "almost" kissed like it was going to be consensual. She really needs to find out how he really feels about her. She needs to start some open dialogue about how he sees her. For instance, ask him a hypothetical question to get his opinion of her on a certain subject. "If we were dating, would you like me to do this or how would you react to that?" Also, she shouldn't focus on what she doesn't have and continue to create a deeper state of depression, but she should embrace the person she is, love herself and enjoy life, just let other things fall in line and continue to pray and trust God that he will show her what and what not to do because emotions can run you ragged.
Charles Holmes said…
Wow! Anonymous!

I knew some how it wouldn't take long before I got an female response. The reason I said that she shouldn't express her feelings is because he happens to be her best friend. That type of friendship takes years to build and to destroy it with a relationship of attraction will in the end ruin what took so long to build. I have had something similar happen in my past life. When I was younger I had a young lady who happen to be a good friend of mine. She was the coolest girl I ever been around and we would always talk about our relationships. She would give me advice on my relationships and I would do the same for her. We were like boys, because we played basketball, video games, went to the clubs and everywhere I went she went. People thought we were a couple and when they would mention that we looked good together all we would do is laugh. I would say, This my woman? You must be crazy! Then she would hit me and say, Well you are no prize yourself and besides that you are too short for my taste. We would laugh and joke about it all the time, before one day after a football game we got drunk. Her boyfriend , just broke up with her and she was feeling depressed. We talked, then we drank and then one thing lead to the other. That was one moment that I will always regret. Because since then our friendship went down hill. We knew to much about each other and we both knew we were wrong for each other. Now that wonderful relationship I had with the opposite sex is gone, just because we both crossed the line.
Anonymous said…
Now Chuck, how did you know my response was from a woman? lol I wanted to add that even though I wouldn't be aggressive enough to let a man know that I was interested, but in a situation like this I would make my feelings known to my friend because I could only hold it in for so long and probably the relationship woud end if I couldn't deal with him having a relationship with someone else. In the situation you described, you didn't have those kind of feelings for your friend, it seems that alcohol ruined your relationship, it does make a person do foolish things and make bad decisions, wouldn't you agree? Lynette
princes griffin said…
Deedy said…
Hello Readers, Chuck is correct you really don't want to ruin a friendship for a temporary moment. My advice to Mary is to continue to trust and believe in God for her mate. Mary God created women for men not the other way around. Just continue to pray and be patient. You don't have to seek sometimes God can have you in the right place at the right time. When you mentioned about the previous men you met, it was not your season. One thing you must remember is the enemy is lurking so don't settle for his traps. I know what you mean about not wanting to be alone, waiting for your soulmate, and all that good stuff that comes along with it. Let me tell you a secret, if you don't rush it, and let God's plan unfold you will be surprise if you don't think about it and let it happen naturally, everything will fall in place. Continue to sustain yourself and let God take care of the rest. Just be patient Mary, don't make no sudden moves. Best of luck to you!!

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