If You Were Mine

If there is any statement that both men or women would agree on today it is, that good men or women are very hard to find. Its easy to find someone to date or to spend time with, but what's hard is finding someone that will stay devoted, faithful or someone that will be with you through thick or thin. These days it seems most men or women are only looking out for themselves or their own best interest. No one seems to care about the person they are dating, married to or in a relationship with. They are only concern with their own needs, wants or feelings, while their spouse or mate is left feeling unappreciated, unhappy, unloved, unwanted or uncared for. These feelings leads many men or women in to depression, because they are left with an uncaring spouse that only thinks about themselves. While these good men or women are being abused mentally or physically by their uncaring, unloving,ungrateful, spouses or mates. It doesn't seem right or fair that a loving, kind , giving man or woman should be in a relationship or marriage that is this way. But all throughout the world there are good men or women that are married to or in a relationship with someone who just doesn't care. What makes it really hard for single person, is that when you happen to know of a good man or woman that is in an abusive marriage or relationship and you may think secretly to yourself or wishing that they were yours. I always felt that married people were off limits and it doesn't matter how abusive or unfaithful their spouses are, no man or woman should peruse someone that's married or in a relationship. The question I have for you, does the same rule apply to someone who is in a relationship? Would you go after your friend or even an complete strangers man or woman if you knew that you could be better for them or if you felt that they would be better off with you?
This letter you are about to read really addresses my subject. It comes from a young lady who happens to live in my own state Louisiana. She lives next door a friend of hers for two years, who happens to be married to a very good man for over five years. But her girlfriend is unappreciative and when her husband is away she is out cheating, misusing her husbands, credit cards, money , his vehicle and even had nerve to make love to her lovers in their own bed.

Hello Chuck,
How are you and your family? Since I have been your friend on Face book, I have read many of your journals. Many of them are interesting, well written and I look forward to reading them every time you post something new. Saying that it feels strange knowing that my letter may be the next topic on your up coming blog. Lol! Anyway, I hope after you read my letter that I won't get judged so harshly. I have been living in Baton Rouge, now for over five years. I moved from Tampa, Florida because of a great job opportunity and I must admit that I love it here. But after five years I have found that its been really difficult finding a good man. Most of the men I have met here are only after sex and there have been a few who even want me to take care of them or to give them my money. So it makes me mad when I see a woman, mistreat a good man, when there are so many single women, like myself that are desperate for a good man. Hell good men are hard to find, even in church, there are a lot of bad men and I don't want to find one in the clubs, because you already know what they are looking for. I have a friend of mine of two years, who really has a good man. He works at a plant, he treats her like a queen, buys her anything she wants and he is so sweet he even opens her car door for her. Old school, church going man, it makes me wonder what happen to those type of men and where can a girl find one? Anyway, my girl just won't do right! She is always in the street with her hot self, sleeping with different men and staying out all hours in the night. Using his credit cards to buy theses no good men clothes, taking them out to eat, in his car and she has even slept with some of them in their bed. My girl is hot Chuck and she won't listen to a thing. I have tried to tell her that she should be messing all over this man, but she won't listen and Chuck this a good man with a good heart. One day my car broke down and he helped me get it back on the road. He won't even let me pay him for helping me. Chuck I know that's my girl and all, but I wish he were mine. Cause if he was mine I would treat him like a queen and never disrespect him in public or behind close doors. Am I wrong for having these feelings? Wishing someone husband was mine? Because if she won't treat him right, there are plenty women out here that will.

After reading my friends letter, I had to take my time to think about and then give an correct answer. I have been on the person she described end many times and I know how it feels to well to be cheated on or used. Being a good man or woman, looking beautiful or handsome, having a great job or giving someone everything doesn't guarantee that they will love you. That being said, like I said before married people are off limits. I know it might hurt to see someone being used that way, but it doesn't mean someone should try to interfere in another persons marriage. It would be nice if two people that really love each other to get together ad stay married forever. To many people that's only a dream and like my late grandmother would say, One should never stop dreaming. Because one day that exact same dream will come to life. Rashonda, leave your friends husband alone and find yourself a man of your own. When you do give him all the love, that you have in your heart.
Good luck too you,



Anonymous said…
If you know that you don't have to work for something because it will always be there when you need it, you will take it for granted. Nice people are always used. In a relationship, they are always a "yes" or whatever you want to do" person, never ask or shared what they want. I speak from experience because I was one of those people when I was married. I was the kind of wife who gave what she wanted in return but never received. My ex misused me, took me for granted because he knew I would always be around, he knew I was not going anywhere but until I found out he was cheating, my eyes of understanding flew wide open. Now when I see a man or woman not being appreciated, I get a heavy heart because I see myself, one who didn't fight for her wants and needs. I don't have the desire to be with a good man who is married and being misused because he really wouldn't know how to receive my goodness until he sees himself for who he is and what he's worthy of. Life can teach you some lessons but you have to be ready to learn them without bitterness. Sometimes I feel that the person whose not appreciating that good person do things because of guilt and set themselves up to destruct in order to free themselves, weird huh. My ex has told me many times that he knew he had a good woman but he didn't know why he did some many stupid things. I know now, what I can give in a relationship and also what I want and a person would know what I want by what I give, so simple, right? Lynette
Charles Holmes said…
Hello Lynette,
I love your response, it reminds me of my earlier blog, "Finish What You Started". You are right that men and women shouldn't get involved with someone else's spouses, because it only complicates their situation more. It can also bring unwanted drama to your life too. After they are divorced and both had time to heal, only then should they peruse another relationship. I found out after my divorce that it was better to take time out for me and to find myself again. Being married and giving your all can take a lot out of a person. It can drain you both physically and mentally. Thats why even to this day, I take my time weight things out before I make any move. Because relationships sometimes last for mere moments, months and sometimes years, but a marriage is suppose to last for a lifetime.

Anonymous said…
I didn't read anyone's comments I just read ur post. That's a touchy subject. But first of all in my opinion to go after a friends significant other, husband r wife is wrong. Being that I am not an aggressive person dealing with the total stranger issue if he was to pursue me and I had an interest I would give it a shot. Everyone is different and reacts different so each person has a different experience. I can't go into the situation thinking i am better than the last but being confident in who I am and my ability to satisfy, support(in his endouversl) encourage and love him to the best of my ability. No one knows how another in a relationship is being treated unless they are told. Then there r two sides to every story. So the friend going after a friends significant other has an X on the thought of it. Its better to deal with a total stranger then you will have ur own story to tell if it doesn't work out.
Charles Holmes said…
Thank you reader for your comment. There is nothing that is more attractive to a man, then a very confident woman. As much as us guys talk about or lust after a woman's figure, there is nothing more appealing than a woman that is sure of herself. If she already knows what she is capable of, then it will make the relationship more exciting to the man that she is involved with. Excitement , love and happiness are the keys to a very successful relationship.

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