What Does The Lonely Do At Christmas?

If you happen to be divorced or single in your early thirties or late forties, creeping up to your fifties or sixties, has these thoughts every crossed your mind. I could live, then die alone, be single or unmarried, without someone special to love for the rest of my life? Or have you ever had these thoughts, why am I alone all by myself, while others have someone special to love? Is there something wrong with me, am I bad looking or what can I do to make sure I won't spend another Christmas or holiday all by myself? As scary as these thoughts or questions may be, it is very possible if you happen to be single or divorced right at this very moment, you could be one of those single people without a man or woman to love for all of your years to come.

 The New York Times census reports that married couples are only at 48 percent of the nation(United States of America) and 52 percent are either single or divorced. Many marriages today only have an average 3 years life span and now its not uncommon to find someone who has been married multiple times. Also many reports find that in most cities around the world that single women out number single men 15 to 1. Not only is that a fact but also, because of the lack of quality men, women are now turn toward their own sex, when it comes to finding love or romance. To add on to these disturbing facts many reports that on-line dating services has seen their business increase by over 200 percent. Even though women out number American men by over 95 percent in most cities, many eligible men are looking outside their country or race seeking a spouse or mate. The question should be why? Why are there so many single men or woman and why are the men looking outside their own country to seek their mate? After all right here in America there happen to be millions of single available women waiting to be loved.

After my many conversations with single, married, divorced or single men or women, its very easy to understand why today many of them are still single today. The reasons I have found is because many of them lack four basic skills needed to keep the man or woman they love, (1)the ability to compromise or get alone with others, (2) the ability to reason or communicate (3) the ability to understand and(4) the ability to be committed to a common cause. As much as many of us (men or women alike) would like to think that being unfaithful is the main reasons for breakups or divorce, the real reasons are because of these missing skills. Many men or women don't have these skills and many are afraid to learn or acquire these very important methods. That is why there are so many breakups or divorces and why many of them don't have a spouse or an significant other to love today.

 In every marriage or relationship there must be compromise, because there are no two people alike and everyone thinks differently. In every relationship or marriage each must do their share or part and no one no matter how good they are can do it all by themselves. Also one must have the ability to reason and the main reason for that is so that they can understand where their spouse is coming from or why they feel a certain way. Then they will be able to reason why their spouse is happy and know what it takes to keep them that way. If both stay committed to the marriage or relationship, understanding that everything takes times and that nothing is perfect then any marriage or relationship will last for a lifetime. If you happen to be single or divorced this Holiday season, know this, first you have to change your way of thinking, then be open to new ideals, thoughts or new ways, so that this time next Christmas you won't be alone, single or lonely again. The greatest gift a man or woman could give each other isn't money or material things, but the gift of love which is more precious than silver or gold. Like the old saying says, In order to get that perfect man or woman, you must instead become the perfect or right person for whom you may seek. "What Do The Lonely Do At Christmas?" Wish they had someone special to love, while watching their friends or family being loved by someone else! Write in then express your thoughts or feelings on the subject.
Until then have a great holiday,


Anonymous said…
I've been divorced and single for 14 years. One thing I can say is that I'm not lonely, I refuse to bring myself to a state of depression because I don't have a special someone in my life. i know a few who are. Life is what you make it especially when you know the statistics about relationships and reasons for divorce. I try to stay outside of that statistics box and think outside the box, if not, I would end up like others saying men are dogs, all men cheat, you can't trust a man, yadda, yadda, yadda. I feel many people are just so selfish and not willing to compromise and accept each others differences. One thing I don't understand is when they are courting or dating, they will put up with or tolerate what they don't like instead of addressing it, but as soon as they get married, they don;t want to deal with it. There's a couple in their sixties that got marry in July and separated in December. I said WOW. Another issue that causes conflicts in marriages is the separate accounts, my stuff, your stuff, living like their single, etc. or even marrying just because your lonely. Some have been single for so long that they are set in their ways and are not willing to change, you know, my way or the highway. It would be wonderful and a blessing to share my life with that special person but I have to be realistic that there is that 15 to 1 ratio of men to women, people's preferences, etc. so I have to enjoy my life now while patiently waiting for the one just for me. I will not settle for less than what I deserve but at the same time be careful not to be blinded by my selfish desires. I'm thankful that I don't have the mindset of "I NEED to be married or let my fleshy desires control me that results in being in that "lonely depressed" state of mind. I will be enjoying myself with family this Christmas even some I haven't seen in awhile at a big after five family affair, looking forward to it, so I won't be lonely. Merry Christmas, Charles Lynette
Charles Holmes said…
Wow! Lynette,

Didn't you read what I wrote ? Its not about settling, that I am talking about. Its about the will to compromise and learn from our own failures. Most of adults if we would admit it are single just because we refuse to change. Without getting to religious, because I do have a site that addresses the spiritual side of this (godversesman.blogspot.com). Its God's desire that the men or women he created not be alone. Its up to us to make that happen. God puts us in the position to be blessed, happy and successful everyday, but many of us(including myself) don't take advantage of our opportunities. Even though men do out number women in some parts of the world, there are still a lot of available single men out there. But they have the problem all men have women, refusal to change or to compromise. There are a lot of selfish women out there that expect, no demand that men do it their way. Then they expect men to act like what they think a man should act like. To me thats funny and the reason why I say this is because there is no way a woman can know how a man should act. Lynette when the time is right and God blesses you with that man do what ever it takes to keep him.
Merry Christmas
Anonymous said…
Oops! I did read what you wrote Charles but just got carried away with that word "lonely" since I know so many who are not living there life to the fullest but waiting on someone to come into their lives to fulfill it. Sorry Lynette

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