Back In The Dating Game

One of the most difficult things in life is transitioning out of a bad marriage or relationship and starting over again or getting into something new. Dating these days is not as simple as it used to be and in most cases the rules have changed. Its no longer required that men open the door for women and its also isn't required that men pay for the meal when taking a woman out to lunch, dinner or even a movie for the first time.As in years past the man used to be the bread winner or the one that paid the bills, in most cases that has changed or been reversed. These changes can be hard to handle for most men or women who happen to be in the age groups 39-60 because most were raised in a time, where men were gentlemen and women were ladies. Back then men paid for just about everything, but in today's time that has changed. Now we live in a new age where women sometimes make more money than their male counterparts and in some households women, not men are the bread winners. Now there are stay at home dads instead of housewives and now sad to say some men have become lazy because of it. Some men expect women to take care of them not only with money, but also in the bedroom, while some women expect the men they are with or dating to do the same. With so many people embracing alternative lifestyles or with some married people seeking outside lovers, no strings attached relationships even though they may have a husband, wife or significant other at home it can make dating a little scary. It can make others afraid to start all over again. It makes one want to ask, How can one adjust to a new reality when they get Back Into The Dating Game?

This was a questioned asked of me by one of my readers. She was just getting out of a divorce and wanted to know was it okay to just date someone without having sex with them? She was frustrated because all the men she has been meeting  always wanted sex before they became friends. Most men she explained always wanted sex after a meal and if they paid for something like gas or gave her money the men always wanted sex in return. Her words exactly were that she wasn't desperate and didn't want to rush into anything, she only wanted some male companionship while she was getting over her failed marriage. It other words she only wanted friendship or a friend.

These are my thoughts to my readers questions. Friendship isn't a word that should be used loosely and when a person puts the word DATE in front of friendship that is when it causes problems. This is my advice to my reader or to anyone that happens to be getting out of a marriage or relationship. Before you choose to date or get involved in a relationship you should first take time to get know yourself all over again. Check out the new world, that you are getting into, because chances are it has changed since you last dated. If you don't want or not ready for more than a friendship, then you should say so upfront. That way no one will be confused and so that the other person completely understands the situation. If both of you decide to go out to eat or to a movie, each should be prepared to pay their own bills separately. Is it okay to date someone without having sex with them? Yes, but before anyone gets back in the dating game, that should be expressed up front. That way they will know if they are a friend, future lover or something more exclusive other than a friend. Communication is always to key to success, when Back In The Dating Game. Don't worry its healthy to be afraid and even natural be be a little spectacle when dating. But with a little practice anyone can master new age dating, when they get Back Into The Dating Game. Write in then express your thoughts or views on the subject.
Have a wonderful weekend,
P.S. A word of advice to all the ladies, if you are out on a date with your male companion please keep this in mind. While you are holding hands, staring into his eyes, while drinking alcoholic beverages such as beer ,wine, or any other mixed drink, men hormones are naturally ragging. Next time you decide to go out on a date try using the words hanging out, instead of dating. That way he won't get confused and try to take your friendship to the next level. Keep a safe distance away from him and try not to engage in anything physical. That way he will know that you are out on date and only friends.


Anonymous said…
Hi Chuck:
Great topic! I ask the question, do people really understand the meaning of words? This is my view on the words Friendship and Dating.
Friendship may be defined as “a relationship of mutual affection between two people”. Proximity, repeated encounters and opportunities to share ideas with each other are three significant factors that form a friendship. Although there are many forms of friendship, certain characteristics are present in many types of friendship. Such characteristics include honesty, trust, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other's company, and the ability to be oneself and express one's feelings without fear of judgment from the friend.
Dating may be defined as “a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner”. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together as a couple.

“Back in the Dating Game” is a topic that many single, separated and divorced people need to think about and be honest with themselves what they really want. We are so quick to say words to others without knowing what the words really mean. Dating and friendship to me both involves truth and trust from two adults. Why aren’t people honest in their true feelings and desires? Meeting a person today is definitely challenging. I was in a long, committed relationship (marriage) that did not work out. I have had time and still take time out for myself. I think about the person that I am and the type of person I need and want in my life. I will be in the dating scene. The initial conversation with the man will tell me if I want to continue to start getting to know this person. I also do not want to rush into anything and my intensions will be stated upfront as you responded in this blog. Getting to know a person is so important. If we take the time to listen for meaning, a person basically tells you in the first conversation what their intentions are. We just have to remove the blinders from our eyes and not be so quick to immediately jump into any type of relationship. Communication is key to any relationship. If you can’t be honest and openly talk to a person you will not have a lasting relationship on any level. I will remember your advice on this subject. I hope other readers respond also. This is a wonderful blog that you have. Thanks!!!
Anonymous said…
i always hear people say i have to wait,i have to get to no that person,i need more time,lets be friends before lovers ,who to say ? so u do all that,then what i don't agree at all i say just go for it and if it don't work,it don't work y set around waiting ,hope-n,praying,wishing,is this going to work will he,or she stay around what is there to figure out ? u no what you want and looking for he no what he want and looking for right from the start i say all of that just game play,and a mind thing just go for it it work,it work it don't it don't !!!!!!!! what you have to lose ?
Anonymous said…
good luck to the seekers!1! wish you the very best in the dating game ... looking for luv ......
Charles Holmes said…
I would like to thank each of you for your comments, but one of you really need to slow down. Before you pass fluids with any man or woman you first should determine what you are looking for in a person. Yes, there is a lot to loose if you just sleep with them for the sake of it. They could be carrying an incurable decease or they could be crazy. I wouldn't recommend any man or woman sleeping with someone just because they are horny. Each have to be careful before they decide to have pass fluids or engage is sex. This is my advice to anyone who may read these comments, before you do anything take time to really figure out what you are doing. There are consequences for every action good or bad.
Have a great weekend.
Anonymous said…
first thing first chuckie !!!! i don't sleep around,i am not that hard up for a man like that why do it have to be that i am horny notttt ... at all chuck i have been singly for 2yrs and have not,not have sex in these yrs why? by my choice i am waiting on my daughter die from bad fluid that was not her choice either she thought she were in luv at a young age 19 her first luv come on man !!!! am not going to go there but anyway i am not hard up for luv,or sex that not what its all about with me .i don't jump in bed with anything,or anybody that not the woman that i am at all i am well educated,and very independent i just say why should a men,or a women have to wait so lone after dating for a period of time they should no by then what each other or looking for or want out the relationship that's my hold thing about dating you suppose to put it all out there so either you,or her would no after spending time to get to no one other so with that being said that was my point and that what i meant by again why wait you either go for it or leave it alone that time spade should let either,or no whats up why wast time if you no what is real,or fake jumping for any opportunity will cause a big problem or so as you put it bad fluids am just not that person sorry chuckie!!!! am good,clean,and very respectful thanks.and iam not going to stop going after what i want and that is my future,my luv,my husband still want true,and faithful luv.and that what am going to get with the help of my savor !!!!!! be bless and you have a wonderful weekend let the truth be known .......

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