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But Love

For this blog I decided on doing something a little different ,by inviting each of my loyal  or new readers into one of my private sessions. For those who don't know, that besides writing blogs and my full time job as a sales manager ,I also have a part time job as a relationship counselor which I do on the side for a very small fee. I don't do it often, because if I did that too besides the other things I do with myself outside of work, then I wouldn't have a life. (smile) The reason why I am inviting each of you into this particular session is because this one really touched my heart and also after sometime I found that we shared similar experiences. This session was more about building ones confidence after a failed marriage or bad relationship. Its been my own experience and also from what I have learned from others that after a breakup or divorce is when most of us tend to loose our own identity. The biggest mistake that most people make is not taking breaks in between break ups or divorces. Some people just jump right in another relationship or quickly remarrying again without taking the proper time to heal from their past.  From my experience as a relationship expert I have found that its never good to start something new without healing or taking a break.

My session begins with my client 45 year old very well dressed single female, who is buying a beautiful new home,  drives a very nice brand new car and has a very successful career. She is a college grad, divorced, no children of her own and has been single for 8 years. Even though she has tried dating the conventional and the unconventional way she hasn't had much success. I sat there waiting for her to arrive so that I could gather my thoughts and prepare for our session. From my experience of being a blog writer, also now a relationship counselor I have found that no two people situations are the same and that everyone thinks or feels differently. Every body no matter who they are or where they come from wants someone they could love, then trust, they also want a person that will not lie to them, a person that will respect them and has something to offer or bring to the table other than sex, money or material things. After all if one works hard enough then they should be able to make their own money or buy any material thing that they may want and everybody should be able to sex themselves if needed. (smile) There are toys or other things that can help aid in that if needed . These days a man or woman isn't really needed or necessary when it comes to sex or stimulation. True love on the other hand is very hard to find and that's why I recommend anyone who has a man or woman that's at least half way or some what good to do whatever they can to keep them. Like my great Aunt would always say, having a piece of someone is better than not having none at all. She would always make me laugh when she would say my children, cat, dog, pillows or stuff animals can't take the place of a warm body.

Now back to by client, she walk up I greeted her and then she said, Chuck it so good to finally meet you. You were highly recommended by two of my best friends and I wasn't aware that your service existed until I spoke to one of my friends about my situation. Then I smile, then said have a sit and lets go over what's been bothering you. I already know about your career and its very obvious that you have a lot going for you. If I didn't already know about your problem I probably would have thought or assumed that a woman who appears to be highly confident would have everything she really wanted. Then she looked at me sadly, then said Chuck in truth I really do, but don't. I own or can buy anything that I want and I have just about accomplished all of my life term goals. But when I go home too my empty home, I feel so alone. All of my sisters are married, all of my girl friends have someone special and even my mother remarried after my father passed. I don't know what's wrong with me Chuck! When I try to date I always seem to attract losers, married men, thugs or drug dealers, men that are only after my money or only want sex and I am too classy of a lady for those type. I want a man of my own, someone I can love and I don't want to be by myself for the rest of my life.

After she go through talking, I asked her this question You mean to tell me that all the men you come in contact with are like that? Be for real! What about the men you work with, go to church with or see around your neighborhood? Before she could get a word out, I said I heard from good sources that you once had a good man but you let him go. Then she said my friend with her big mouth what else did she tell you? Then I said well she told me that you use to talk harshly to him and when he confronted you then you let him go. She rolled her eyes at me then said, Yes I can be bold, expressive, mean sometimes, I am very moody, spoiled and I love to have my way. If a man really wants to be with me then he will have to put up with who I am. I know I am one hell of a catch, so if a man wants me then he will have to take me as I am. Then I looked into her eyes, then said that's your problem and that's the real reason why you don't have a man. Yes you are nice looking, have a great career , a nice car, home and everything money can buy. All of those things or accomplishments may look great on paper or to the rest of the world, but to a real man they mean nothing. Yes men love a woman who may have their own thing, but if they don't have a heart most men don't care how fine she is, how good she looks or what she owns. Then she started to cry and say Chuck am I really that bad? I looked at her then smiled and said no you aren't. I went on to explain that she needed to change her approach and should know that love is always about giving or taking. I went on to explain that when she meets her next man she should realize that its not just about her, instead its about pleasing each other. Even though love is a singular word, its really no good if you are only loving yourself. Then I said open up, smile, take down those walls, look or act available and then the right man will come your way. She said okay Chuck, then smiled and right after that a man told her she had a beautiful smile and walked away. Then she said, "See Chuck men don't have no respect at all! How did he know we weren't dating or out on a date? Then I smiled then said, The point is we aren't and this is all business, but what I said too you worked. Then she said, Chuck you are good and I promise to take your advice. I will start it by apologizing to my ex boyfriend, hopefully he hasn't found him someone else, wish me luck. She paid me then walked out the door and got into her car. A few days after she texted me , then told me that she was back with her ex boyfriend. She then left this message that touched my heart; Chuck thank you so much for your service, you really showed me why I was having so many problem with men. I thought just because I happen to be attractive with a great career and that I have my own I could have my way with men. Now I see it takes two to make a real relationship work and that I have to give a little. I know better now, I may have had a lot of money and material things but I didn't have what I really wanted. I didn't have anyone to go home to, no one to spend special moments with or holidays. I had everything but, "But Love!" Write in then express your thoughts or feeling on the subject.
Chuck


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