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Are You Really Listening?



If you are reading this allow me to ask you this very personal question, what type of relationship or marriage do you have or hope to with your spouse or partner and if you don't yet have one what type would you like to establish in the near future? The reason why I ask you this question is because millions of adults worldwide still even to this very day don't realize that lack of communication is the major reason why most men or women abandon, have an affair, cheat, divorce or leave the relationship or marriage for someone else. That's right if you or your spouse don't talk to each other and have a good understanding in time it will fail. Then one or both of you will seek that attention, that you aren't getting from each other, from someone on the outside or from someone else. What I have found is that while most people feel that their spouse isn't communicating or talking to them , the fact is they aren't really comprehending, hearing, listening or understanding their spouses wants, needs or desires are. Couples who have been married or in relationships for years still even after years spent together don't quite know or understand how to communicate with their spouses effectively. The biggest problem I get from some couples, that I have counseled, is that many of them refuse to do whatever it takes to please their spouse and often get mad when their other half seeks it or leaves them for someone else. My question to any man or woman who may read this, if you are in a relationship or marriage or getting in one," Don't you think you owe it to yourself and your spouse to do whatever it takes to keep it together?" After all being committed is more than being faithful, its also doing whatever it takes to keep the man or woman you are in love with happy and satisfied.

 What brought this to my attention is when I counseled a couple who had been together for 5 years and were having problems. Both had a communication issue with the other and both of them had a problem getting alone. The only thing that kept them together, was that they both still loved each other very much and both of them wanted to do whatever it took to keep them from being torn apart. Surprising to them, was that I found out what their problem was before they even had time to tell me about their issues. I picked it up as soon as both of them entered the door. The young man opened the door then she stared at him with a mean look, then she sat next to him and he moved to the other side of the sofa then to the love seat. Then I looked at them and said you guys have a communication issue don't you? Then both of them looked at me then said, Boy you are as good as advertised! I said to both of them your problem isn't to hard to recognize or fix all you two is have to communicate and understand what the other needs or wants from you. Then both at the same time said I tried but he or she isn't listening. Then I said that's the problem you both aren't listening or paying attention to the others wants or needs. If you both really love each other know that your problems or issues are no bigger or more important than the other. Understand that a relationship and especially a marriage is an equal agreement of two loving individuals and that you both are in this thing together. No marriage or relationship can survive unless both of you are happy. Then both of them got up and said we got you, we hear you. Then I said Are You Really Listening to her or to him? Because if you are then you both, will have a wonderful relationship or marriage that will last a lifetime.
Happy Holidays,
Chuck

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